CHILD CUSTODY & CHILD SUPPORT

Oct 27, 2018

Question #50: I am a 31 years old mother seeking advice how to obtain legal custody of my 8 years old son. My son and I live in NY. He has been living with me since birth. I don’t really know how the system works in regards to choosing which parent should get custody of the child. I have been recieving child support since 2004 in the amount of $127 biweekly. That is all I’ve recieved from him since then nor have I asked him for anything more. Hardly ever he would buy things for my son. Once in a blue moon he would buy clothes for him but other than that, child support is all I recieved. He and I have a verbal arrangement of taking my son every other weekend. Our arrangement is for him to pick him up on a Friday and bring him back on Sunday. However, when this Friday comes, it almost always turned out to an arguement because he always finds reason not be able to pick him up. Majority of the times, I get my son’s weekend bag all packed ready for him to come pick him up but leave my son hanging. Most often, I ended up covering for him just not to disappoint my son. Because of this I have lost respect for him. Whenever we come to a discussion, I lose my temper and find my self using profanity. I am afraid that he might have recorded our conversations and use this against me to obtain legal custody of my son. Just last week, I decided to go to family court looking for informations how to increase my child support. I came to find out that he has been making almost 70,000 a year for the past 3 years and all I’ve been recieving is $127 biweekly. So, on that day, I filed for an increase. I am saddened for this information I just received because all this time he’s been making this much money, not once he spent a dime for his birthday since my son was 3 years old nor not once did he bothered attending any of his birthday party. To make a long story short, he has filed for legal custody. He claimed that I am always busy and that I don’t have that much time to spend with him as well as not providing him enough care. I admit, I am always busy. I am a single mother, a student, and also have a day job, but despite of all of this, I still manage to sit down with him at least 4 nights a week to do homeworks. My mother does the other night. I am not always there to pick him up from school but I take him every morning. I also manage to take him on vacations, something that his father never did. What can I do as a mother to keep my son.

I strongly suggest that you and your husband come to mediate this matter of child custody and child support, as well as all the other matters that are involved in separating. Mediation will provide both of you the opportunity to do what is best for the child. It is less expensive, and less emotionally traumatic, […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #49: This is my question. I had a discussion with my Daughter. She had two children and has married some one who is not the real Father. He has not adopted her children. My argument is! If she gets divorced does her husband have to support her children even though they are not his. I would appreciate a answer just to settle our disagreement. I say he doe’s not. Thank you for a reply.

If he is named as the father on the birth certificates, even if he is not the biological father, he is responsible for their support. If he is not named as their father and has not adopted them, even if he married their mother and has provided some support while married, he would generally not […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #47: I live in NY. My divorce was finalized December 2003. I have custody of our 4 children. I remarried in May 2005. My ex-husband has had supervised visitation since our separation in June 2002 because he is alcohol dependent. He has not petitioned the court to have the supervision suspended, thus showing he continues to abuse alcohol. His girlfriend who is a police officer is the court authorized supervisor. Over the past few years my ex-husband has continually interferred with my parenting of the children. The older ones are teens and have been cutting school, drinking and experimenting with drugs over the last couple of years. I have used all resources available to help them, i.e. counseling, rehab, tutoring, grounding. My ex-husband continually undermines every form of discipline I have implemented. He tells the children that I am a psycho, replaces things I take away from them and constantly tells them I am not a good mother. He tells them that they do not need to go to counseling. He has reported me to ACS in 2003 making false accusations which were unfounded. And as of last week, I am under investigation again. My children have been conditioned by their father to call him immediately if I or my new husband reprimands them. Then my ex-husband dials 911 to say that children are being abused. After explaining to the police the situation, the complaint states that I (as the complainant) had a verbal dispute with my child. Ultimately my ex obtains a copy of this and tells my children that I called the police on them, stating “what kind of a mother calls the police on her kids?” This has been the cycle for almost 5 years. My children are at this point, so emotionally disturbed that I see no end to their behavioral problems unless their father either backs off completely or by a miracle sees how detrimental his vindictive behavior towards me is to them. Counselors have tried to persaude my ex to work with me on parenting the children, but my ex will not allow the children to be accountable for their behavior. What recourse do I have to make him stop so that my children will have a chance to succeed in life?

If you have sole custody of the children ( not just the resident parent , but sole custody), you should hire an experienced matrimonial attorney in your area to petition the court to terminate your spouse’s visitation rights because he is interfering with your ability to fulfill your duties as sole custodian and undermining your […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #46: I have been divorced for almost a year now. My ex-husband is an airline pilot, whose schedule varies each month. Our initial agreement that he signed was for $2300 in child support for our 3 children, with the understanding that he can see the children any day that he is home, but not less than the 90 days per year, as long as I work with his flexible schedule each month. This amount was not to change for any additional days. I purchased a home based on a budget with this child support payment each month. He then altered the agreement prior to the final divorce to allow 103 days per year shared custody (lowering the support by $550 per month), with no mention of the schedule that I had to work with. He now wants to have additional days/nights with the children, over the 103 days per year, based on the days that he is not flying. I have asked (and feel the children and I NEED) a set weekly/bi-weekly schedule for custody. I cannot continue to wait 2 weeks before each month to get the next month’s custody schedule. He can bid his schedule around specific days, but cannot guarantee that he will get those days each month. Is there any way I can ask the court to set a schedule that we all must follow, so that I can make plans, and have a normal life?

How did your lawyer allow you to get into this untenable schedule in the first place? Once again, I cannot overemphasize the importance of using an experienced attorney-mediator to work out separation and divorce. These matters are too important to use self-help and will come back to haunt you in the future, just as this […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #45: I’ve been together for 12yrs and married for 8yrs with my wife. We have two children (6,10yrs). My wife wants the divorce and I’ve oppossed it because I’m trying to remediate the situation. She cheated 6 yrs ago and again on july 06 and Mar 06. the reason I still want her is because she will take my kids away and she will cause me to move out of the house and sell this house and another property. She earns 3x less than I. In other words she will take me to the poor house. I could not afford everything we now have or live on my own once we divorce. I will have to pay child support and spousal support and private school. I earn in the mid 60,000. Can I have an opportunity to gain sole custody of the kids since I’ve been a good father and want the family together for the kids sake?

You may be able to convince the court that your having sole custody of the children and remaining in the family home is in the best interests of the children based on the fact that your wife has been cheating on you and the family continuously over the past six years , and does not […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #44: Nov 2006, I was granted a divorce by Nassau County in NY. I have 3 children and I am currently paying my ex-wife $2500 / month for maintenace and $2500.00/month in child support. In addition, I pay $5000.00/year towards extra-curricular activities for the children. My gross annual income before paying alimony and child support is $110,000. I have two questions, I would love to have answered. 1) Shortly after the divorce was finialized my ex-wife informed me that she was starting a county job after the New Year. (she was unemployed throughout our 15 year marriage). I don’t know what her salary is at this new job, but I can estimate that she is making about $35,000 – $40,000/year. My question is, can I petition the courts to reduce the child support payment or the $5000 extra-curicular payment? How soon can I do this? Is there a wait period with the courts since the divorce was finalised 3 months ago? 2)My children’s ages are 12(G), 9(B), and 6(B). My ex constantly complains that she doesn’t want to ‘waste’ money on a babysitter. Recently on my ex’s scheduled weekend, my daughter was participating in a dance competition in another state which my ex was attending. This was for two nights. I offered to take the two boys for the weekend, but my ex told me no since she had it under control and taken care of already. When questioned who would be watching the boys, she told me to “F” myself and that it was none of my business. I kept asking and she eventually hung up on me – never returning my calls. The next day she went off to the dance competition in another state – I drove past the house no my way home from work and no one was there. I called the house 5 times and left two voicemails, but no one answered and no one returned my calls. I then called my ex on her cell phone and left her a voicemail telling her that I wanted to know where the boys were. I explained that I just wanted to make sure they were ok. Long story short, I had to threaten her, telling her that I would call the cops since she was out of town and I couldn’t find my two boys. She then called the boys and told the oldest (9 yrs) to call me. When I questioned her about the contact details that she gave to this person watching them, she told me that “Dan (9 yr old) knows how to contact you – your number is in the book”. I never heard from my kids that night. I called their house early the next morning and my oldest son answered. My ex’s boyfriend of 3 months was watching them for the weekend. When I asked my son what number he had for me, he confirmed it was a cell which I haven’t owned in 4 years. I am truly upset that (1) she went out of town without telling me who was watching the kids (2) that she didn’t make sure that the person watching them had my contact details and vice cersa (what would happen if something went wrong with the kids and my ex is out of state??? I am very actice in their lives. I go to every (try to)sporting event, I have them every other weekend and every Tuesday. During the Christmas break I took time off from work and had them for the entire week. I was generous to my ex finiancially because I wanted to make sure the kids would be taken care of, when in fact my youngest comes with holes in his shoes. My concern is this summer. I am already paying a bunch to her and I am fearful that she won’t get proper babysitters. What can I do? What are my rights?

With regard to your first question about petitioning the court for a reduction in child support and/or spousal support, unless you have experienced a dramatic drop in income, I do not think you are going to be very successful in your efforts, but in any case , you probably should wait until the first year […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #43: I am a stay at home mother of one 3 year old and expecting my second child in August. My husband wants a divorce (which I agree is for the best). However, since I left my career for our fist child to become a stay at home mom, I do not have any income and can’t afford an attorney. I was just going to start back to work when my child started pre-school this fall, but my husband convinced me to have another.My husband has said he plans to sell the house (there is no equity) and I will have to live with my mother until I can get financially stable on my own. I am scared that he will get custody of our child and the unborn one since I cannot afford a home, etc.We reside on Florida. Will he have to pay alimony (he says he wont- we don’t have much money, only his income). Is there anything I can do to get custody of my children? If we get divorced before the birth of our next, what rights does he have to it?I cant afford to get legal advice and hope that you can help ease my mind and maybe direct me in the right way.I appreciate your help!

If your husband has been supporting you and the child during your marriage, the Court will make him continue to pay child support and spousal support, especially now that you are going to give birth. You will not lose custody simply because you cannot afford to pay for the child’s expenses. As the father of […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #42: My husband has a child in Georgia. We currently live in NY. He has been paying child support for 4 yrs now. He has just lost his job and could no longer afford to pay his child support. Do I have to pay his child support? Can I be held responsible???

You have no legal obligation or duty to support his child. He, however, does and he cannot simply stop paying but must make a motion to the court to have his child support order reduced because of hardship. Until such order is changed, he will be in violation of the original order if he does […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #41: We were married and divorced in New York. I am the mother of 2 children whom I agreed would be better off due to financial reasons to stay with their father. Their father and I agreed that child support did not need to be paid to him in exchange that I did not take 1/2 of his stock/pension/etc. that was given to me by the courts. Now, 10 years later, my youngest is 21 years old. What is the time frame that my ex could say he never received child support and then come after me for back support??

Usually the date of emancipation of the children is defined in the Separation Agreement or in the Judgment of Divorce. It is generally 21 years of age, unless the child is going to college full time or there are some other extenuating circumstances such as the child has a disability or sickness. This is one […]

Oct 27, 2018

Question #40: I have a question concerning child support. I am currently 19 years old and I have been reviewing child support from my father (non-custodial parent). I live in New York State and I attend college full time. I have recently moved out of my mother’s house and reside in an apartment. Because the child support is in my mothers name I have to drive over to her house in order to receive the check. I was wondering how I would go about, or if it was possible, to have the checks come to my home address and in my name. P.S. – if it helps, there is no dispute between my parents about the child support. Thank You!

Answer: If your mother is OK with the idea, she should prepare a letter to your father instructing him to send the child support payment directly to you.If both parties agree, the court will not get involved. Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

LEONARD M.WEINER, ESQ, Ph.D.

Divorcesolutions.com

Divorce Solutions

Question #42: My husband has a child in Georgia. We currently live in NY. He has been paying child support for 4 yrs now. He has just lost his job and could no longer afford to pay his child support. Do I have to pay his child support? Can I be held responsible???