Child custody

I have been married for eight years. My wife and I have a baby that turned one in August of this year. On July 4, 2004, I was asked to leave the marital residence and reside in our summer home. There was never any attempt to work things out or reconcile our marriage. Divorce is/was inevitable. My wife currently does not work, based on both of our decisions after the birth of our child. In the meantime, I have fallen in love with my best friend, who has unfortunately made its way around the whole town. We have never been seen in public as affectionate but do spend plenty of time with each other. I go home at least once or twice a day to spend time with my child and have done so ever since July 4, 2004. Since the news of my affair has made its way to my wife, she has now threatened to never let me see my daughter again. I would like to know what my rights are if she can prove adultery. Does she have the right to refuse to allow me to see my child? Does she have the right to tell me who is allowed to be around my child and who is not? And is child/spousal support affected in a case of adultery?

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Question: My Wife and I are in the process of working out a separation agreement. All seems to be going well except for the wording on higher education. Her lawyer drafted the provision for higher education as follows: Both parties agree to contribute reasonably toward the child’s higher education based upon the respective financial circumstances of the parties at such time as she commences her higher education. The parties’ obligation hereunder shall cease at such time as the minor child becomes emancipated as outlined in paragraph 14. I am concerned about who decided “reasonable.” My lawyer said a judge would decide. Does this language sound fair, and is it normal in a separation agreement? I wanted it to be worded more specific as to how much each would have to contribute to better prepare and budget for when the time comes. Thank you. 

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Nov 2006, I was granted a divorce by Nassau County in NY. I have three children, and I am currently paying my ex-wife $2500 / month for maintenance and $2500.00/month in child support. Also, I pay $5000.00/year towards extra-curricular activities for the children. My gross annual income before paying alimony and child support is $110,000. I have two questions I would love to have answered. 1) Shortly after the divorce was finalized, my ex-wife informed me that she was starting a county job after the New Year. (she was unemployed throughout our 15-year marriage). I don’t know what her salary is at this new job, but I can estimate that she is making about $35,000 – $40,000/year. My question is, can I petition the courts to reduce the child support payment or the $5000 extra-curricular payment? How soon can I do this? Is there a waiting period with the courts since the divorce was finalized three months ago?
2)My children’s ages are 12(G), 9(B), and 6(B). My ex always complains that she doesn’t want to ‘waste’ money on a babysitter. Recently on my ex’s scheduled weekend, my daughter was participating in a dance competition in another state, which my ex was attending. This was for two nights. I offered to take the two boys for the weekend, but my ex told me no since she had it under control and taken care of already. When questioned, who would be watching the boys, she told me to “F” myself and that it was none of my business. I kept asking, and she eventually hung up on me – never returning my calls. The next day she went off to the dance competition in another state – I drove past the house no my way home from work, and no one was there. I called the house five times and left two voicemails, but no one answered, and no one returned my calls. I then called my ex on her cell phone and left her a voicemail telling her that I wanted to know where the boys were. I explained that I just wanted to make sure they were ok. Long story short, I had to threaten her, telling her that I would call the cops since she was out of town and I couldn’t find my two boys. She then called the boys and told the oldest (9 yrs) to call me. When I questioned her about the contact details that she gave to this person watching them, she said to me that “Dan (9 yr old) knows how to contact you – your number is in the book”. I never heard from my kids that night. I called their house early the next morning, and my oldest son answered. My ex’s boyfriend of 3 months was watching them for the weekend. When I asked my son what number he had for me, he confirmed it was a cell that I haven’t owned in 4 years. I am truly upset that (1) she went out of town without telling me who was watching the kids (2) that she didn’t make sure that the person watching them had my contact details and vice versa (what would happen if something went wrong with the kids and my ex is out of state??? I am very active in their lives. I go to every (try to)sporting event, and I have them every other weekend and every Tuesday. During the Christmas break, I took time off from work and had them for the entire week. I was generous to my ex financially because I wanted to make sure the kids would be taken care of, when in fact, my youngest comes with holes in his shoes. My concern is this summer. I am already paying a bunch to her, and I am fearful that she won’t get proper babysitters. What can I do? What are my rights?

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I have a 15-year old daughter with a woman to whom I wasn’t married. My daughter spent the first nine years of her life living with her mother, during which time I paid full New York state child support (17%). Six years ago, she came to live with me, my wife, and two other children, based on the mutual consent of her mother and us. During the six years, my daughter has had regular visitation with her mother (other reasons weekends, school holidays, etc.). Her mother has paid no child support other than the costs she incurs when my daughter is with her, and for incidentals like occasional clothing purchases, primarily due to a lack of funds. She has not held a full-time job at any time during the six years for health. Her mother and I have never had a formal custody agreement filed in New York (where we both live), working out our arrangements via mutual consent the best we could. My daughter is now interested in moving back with her mother for a variety of personal reasons, and I have two questions: 1. At 15, what rights does she have in determining who her custodial parent will be? Could I be compelled to let her go back to her mother? 2. If she were to return to her mother, would I be required to resume 17% child support payments, or could I work with her mother on a mutually acceptable support amount that is less than the 17%? Could such an agreement be made binding in court even if it were below 17%? Any assistance would be appreciated.

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I have been divorced since 1991. My ex-husband was cheating and wanted a divorce. However, I agreed to take the blame on the divorce decree as the one who abandoned, not knowing at the time the consequences. My daughter is now 17, and he is trying to convince her to move in with him so he won’t have to pay child support. My current salary will not suffice for me to survive. I am currently trying to finish my education and become self-sufficient. However, I owe money from not having sufficient income, even with child support. He is an airline pilot making at least $200,000. /yr. Is there anything I can do? Also, in my divorce decree, it states that the order is subject to change as deemed by the supreme court. Please notify me as to what I may be able to do.

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What is the age of consent for a child in custody lawsuits in the state of New York?? At what age do they allow the child to speak what THEY want?? I have been divorced for about three years now – I have joint custody of my daughter, but the ex-wife has physical custody. However, I do have my daughter 3-4 days a week and have never been late on any payments – pay 100% of all medical, dental, prescriptions, whatever she needs PLUS 17%…. My daughter just informed me (she is 7yrs old) that her mother was planning on moving way out of state (other side of the country), and she told her not to tell me. She is planning on moving because her new boyfriend (who she is ‘engaged’ to, my daughter told me – and her mother told her not to tell me) has the ‘possibility’ of getting a job way out there. As of yet, the mother does not know that I know. My daughter is scared to death that I will tell the ex that she told me these things (she is scared of her mother). I need to find out what I can do.I can NOT lose my daughter – I don’t care if I have to sell everything I own to get the required funds for whatever is needed.

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I live in New York State and am considering seeking physical and legal custody of my children. Is the term “unfit mother” defined anywhere by statute or case law? if not, can you explain what may persuade a court that a mother is unfit?

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My husband and I are talking about a divorce. I live in the Metro NY area. This divorce is of his asking. What can I do before speaking with a lawyer to help me secure the house and custody of the children?

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