Question #178: i was with my husband for 20 yrs, married for 13. he is an abusive alcoholic drug user. he failed a drug test and admitted to drinking. i endured much abuse in all those yrs. we have 3 children together. we are in the middle of a custody battle for the two younger ones. i left him 5 mos ago and went to a SAF house. now on my own with the two younger ones. i filed for a divorce in dec of 2009. i don’t know how it works as far as separation or divorce. i have met someone. but there have been no intimate relations. if i chose to have intimate relations how would it affect my divorce? if i chose to have him move in…how would it affect my divorce? what are the laws governing this? if i got a copy of the filing for divorce… would it protect me? we own much assets including a business. how long does a divorce take when there was multiple abuse going on? i do have an order of protection even though he has violated it. but i cannot prove it. can you please enlighten me with some answers.

I understand from the question that you provided that you are the plaintiff in the divorce lawsuit. You did not indicate the grounds upon which you filed for divorce, but I imagine it was cruel and inhuman treatment. Carrying on a relationship before your divorce would be considered an adulterous act and are grounds for your spouse to counter sue for divorce .

If you have your boyfriend move in, it may affect the judge’s opinion whether such an environment is good for your children to be raised in. This may in turn influence the judge’s decision regarding child residential custody.

The division of assets, including the business, is separate from the consideration of the grounds, which grounds will generally not affect how the assets are divided unless the case is extreme.
Your case, which includes drug abuse and alcoholism may qualify as such an extreme case. It will depend on the specific facts involved.

If you living in the New York City metropolitan area, I strongly suggest you call me at 212-370-1660 to discuss mediating your divorce.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions