I have been married to this man for eight years …he has a spinal injury and is confined to a wheelchair. When we first got married, he was walking with canes, and he told me that it was temporary that he would walk again. However, shortly after we got married, he sustained a fracture and refused to continue therapy, so he could walk with canes back but instead requested a wheelchair. Our relationship has deteriorated sexually and otherwise. He is now impotent. We haven’t had sex in over five years, and I have never cheated on him. He does not want me to work..so I can serve him hand and feet…He refuses to go on disability because this is his way of controlling me…he brings in the money, and I serve him hand and feet and remain his prisoner…I am now 51 years old, and I just can’t take this anymore…It is driving me crazy…I want a divorce, but the house is on his name, and I have nothing….no job, no money…every time I get a job he manipulates me into quitting….please help me….I am not a greedy person; I just want to be compensated for all the time I gave to him…I have had no life since the day I married him…he managed to alienate me from all my friends and family…I would really appreciate your advice on how I can go about getting a divorce from this man and be able to get something to start a new life with….I am a medical transcriptionist by trade, so I can still get back in the job market and be able to take care of myself, but right now I have no money of my own…my mother left me $13,000.00 when she died, but he put it on both our names, and we don’t have even that much in the bank anymore….thanks again.
From the facts which you present, it sounds like family counseling should be your first choice and not divorce mediation. Severe sickness or disability of one spouse places a tremendous emotional and physical burden on the healthy spouse, and it is not unusual for you to react in the way you are. I strongly suggest you seek out an experienced family counselor to help both of you. Get home care assistance to take part of the burden off of you and to provide you with some free time to go out and to enjoy yourself with your friends and family.
If, after family counseling, you still believe that divorce is the only solution, I would be happy to discuss the matter with you at greater length.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions