Unfortunately, when lawyers on opposing sides get together, the process which is difficult enough, gets even harder.
You should try to communicate with her outside the formal meetings with the attorneys in a more calm and relaxed setting and see if she is amenable to mediating whatever outstanding issues remain and to finish it and get on with your lives. Until you have a legal divorce properly prepared and legally binding you are in a state of limbo and even more so, so are your children who are suffering emotionally as a result. For the sake of the children she should be more responsive to resolving the issues still outstanding.
If you are living in the NYC metro area please call me to arrange a meeting to mediate the remaining issues.You will not have to start all over but just continue from where you both left off.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions