Without having spoken to your spouse, it seems clear from your description of the situation that there are serious problems with your family relationship and that divorce may be unfortunately, the only solution at this point. The question now is whether you are going to enter into a litigated adversarial battle in court or will you both choose to go a more civilized way and resolve your divorce matters through mediation. I cannot overemphasize the benefits of mediating with an experienced, divorce attorney- mediator. These are matters that require experienced counsel , and should not be left to self-help.
If you are living in the New York City metropolitan area, I suggest you call me at 212-370-1660 to arrange for a meeting between all of us to see if we can mediate your divorce and allow you both to reach some type of understanding to improve your relationship with your son, to work together for the best interests of the child, and to get on with your lives and regain your self-esteem and respect.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solution