Question #56: I have a big dilemma…When I was eight months pregnant I was suspicious of my husband cheating. To make that loooong story short on January 20th of this year I found out that my suspiciousness was true. He had no choice but to confess that he was cheating. I will be married 8 years this December. We have two children together. A four year old and a 11 month old. I have been laid off from my job since October 2005 since the layoff I stood home for 3 months with our children and we both agreed that I finish up my graduate studies and attend graduate school full time. I finished up my masters in may 2006. It was difficult trying to manage grad school, two children and a whole load of other things while going though something so horrible like what my husband did to me. I wanted to leave but was so scared that I couldn’t take care of myself or the girls on my own. I was sooo confused. I could not believe that my so-called best friend had hurt me this deeply. At the time I was just getting unemployment. Now I am searching for a job to save money and divorce him. I don’t know what types of stipulations I should ask for…I do want full custody of my girls, I do want him to help maintain them too. We also have a home together that we purchased in June of 2004. I don’t want to leave my home. Can we divorce and I live here with my daughters. Do we have to sell so that we can get our even share of our investment? I just feel that he does not deserve anything being that he F-up (excuse my language.) I know who the correspondent is and yes she admitted she cheating with my husband. They both work at the same job. Can I divorce him with adultery? Is it too late? Will it be too late when I am ready to leave? Thank you.

For the sake of the children it’s important to try to see if you can reconstruct your trust and relationship with your spouse. Since you confronted him and he has admitted his guilt, has he expressed any remorse? Is he willing to commit to absolutely refrain from such activity in the future? These are questions you should be asking him and seeing if there is still room to reconstruct the trust and relationship that you had prior to this event. You should also try family counseling before you jump to divorce.

In the event, however, that you try family counseling or that he is absolutely refusing to go to family counseling and expresses no remorse , then you must consider divorce and if so, I strongly suggest that you mediate your divorce with an experienced attorney mediator.

If you are living in the New York City metropolitan area, please call May at 212-370-1660 to arrange for a meeting to discuss the matter at greater length.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions