Question #77: Hope you can help. My wife and I are in individual counseling, not couples counseling (CC). Her counselor feels we have a lot of individual issues to work out before CC. I don’t know what her issues are and her counselor won’t talk to me at all. My issue is anger management which I have been working on for 8 months. My wife claims she doesn’t want a divorce and would like to work things out if possible. My counselor wants me to initate a divorce because he feels she is stalling but he doesn’t know why. My wife and I hardly communicate. My counselor also feels once in court I will find out her true intentions. My question is how successful, in general, are long separations vs short ones? Do the marriages actually end up better or worse? Would a divorce be the wiser course of action?

Before you begin the divorce process , try marriage counseling, even if you are both in individual counseling at the same time. Especially if you have children, you owe it to them and yourselves to try to resolve your relationship issues and keep the marriage together.

If, in the event that the counseling is unsuccessful, I strongly suggest that you contact me at 212-370-1660 to discuss mediating your separation and divorce. It will be much cheaper, faster and less emotionally draining on both of you, and provide you both for the opportunity to try to resolve the separation and divorce issues together.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solution

Question #66: I’m married 12 years and want out due to the fact my husband and I want completely different things in life. I pay 95% of the household expenses and he doesn’t want to contribute 5%. Everything he does and every dollar he spends must be for his personal benefit. I simply refuse to live like this anymore. Please advise what my first step is in getting this marriage disolved. I live in New York.

You do not mention whether you have any children as a result of this marriage. If you do, you owe it to your children to seek help, perhaps through a marriage counselor, to see if you can reconstruct the marriage again. Assuming that you have done so, or you do not believe that such counseling will help, I cannot overemphasize the benefits of mediating the divorce as opposed to litigating it. You’ll save time, money, and aggravation by doing so. If you’re located in the New York City metropolitan area, please call me at 212-370-1660 to discuss the matter and to arrange an appointment.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #57: I have been married for 4 years. My husband and I have been separated for close to 3 years now. I moved in with my mother 3 years ago because he is in the military and was stationed on a ship. We have a 4 year old son and no real assets. My husband isn’t ‘sure’ he wants to continue our marriage so I asked him for a divorce. I don’t know if he has been unfaithful or not and when I mentioned divorce he seemed hesitant. I’m not sure I’m willing to allow him custody and how this should be handled. I would appreciate some expert advice. Thanks

You have a child and you owe it to him to try to preserve your marriage if you can. Try going to a marriage counsellor with your husband to see if the marriage can be saved. If it cannot,and you are living in the NYC metro area, give me a call at 212-370-1660 and we can discuss mediating the divorce.
Leonard Weiner, Esq. /Divorce Solutions

Question #54: My husband and I have been married for a year and a half. Two months ago I found out that he has been unfaithful throughout the entirety of our marriage, and this relationship has even existed while we were engaged. To complicate things even further, I am five months pregnant with our first child. Please advise as to what legal actions I must take to get the ball rolling on a divorce.

Since you are going to have a child you owe it to the child to see if there is some way to save the marriage, perhaps trying marriage counselling. If you have tried this or do not believe it is possible to save the marriage, you should mediate the divorce with an attorney-mediator experienced in matrimonial matters who can assist you in preparing a separation agreement and divorce. The first step in the process is to discuss the divorce with your husband and see if he is agreeable to mediation. If you are located in the New York City metropolitan area, please call me at 212-370-1660 to discuss further.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq. /Divorce Solutions

Question #53: I am an immigrant, I came to USA by permanent resident visa from my wife side. I was married for 11 years out of that we both lived together for 5 years. Since I came to this country my wife mostly stayed away from me. I have two sons. My wife is working for the past 3 years on and off. Since we do not have any emotional and physical relation, I was requesting her for divorce. But she and her parents are threatening me saying, they will inform at my work as I am abusing her and refusing to give divorce. Even though we live under same roof, we are like strangers. I am ready to provide child support to my sons or I will happily take my sons custody but they are refusing it. Please give me your advice, what to do.

I think you owe it to your children to try family couselling first to see if you can reconstruct your marriage. If that fails, I strongly suggest that you discuss with her divorce mediation which is a civil way of separating and divorcing. Don’t be afraid of the idle threats from your in-laws. They will need proof or testimony from reliable witnesses for the Court to believe them. If you are located in the NYC metropolitan area, please call me at 212-370-1660 to discuss further.
Leonaed M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #28: I have a bother-in-law in the state of Oregon who married less than a year ago. They submitted paper work for an amiable 90 day divorce roughly 45 days ago. The divorce was originally initiated by the wife because of the bother-in-law’s dissatisfaction to his spouse’s idolization of her pet dog. Just last week his spouse showed up at his work an attempted to commit suicide. Now she is filing a mental anguish suit against him. From the way he has been explaining it for the past six months he has been the one with the mental anguish. The question is could/should he file a counter mental anguish suit?

It sounds like they need some assistance from a marriage counselor before they take the radical step of seeking a divorce. If both parties are in fact so emotionally high strung that they are ready to get divorced over the pet dog, perhaps they should examine the basis of their marital relationship and what brought them together in the first place.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #23: I live in Texas and my wife of 22 years wants a divorce because I hit her…I was going thru a big depression at the time. I do not want to get divorce because we have a 10 year old girl which I love very much.. Every time I get close to her all she say is she wants the divorce.What can I do to give her a hard time if she does get a lawyer???

From what you have told me, I believe that you should both first try marriage counseling to see if you can improve your marriage relationship and stop hitting your wife. There is no excuse for either spouse physically or mentally abusing the other. If you have experience serious depression, you must seek professional help and not destroyed your family and physically harm those you love.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #200: Hello, I live in Brooklyn New York…I have been married for7 and a half years..and my husband( 60 yrs.) and I ( 59 yrs.) both agree that we should get a divorce…sex and conversation is the big issue here with us. out of the 7 yr. marriage we have had sex with each other less then 15 times, in this 7 and a half years..I’m the one that needs the sex more then that, and my husband agrees with me also..Plus he always falls asleep on me when I’m talking to him.. Is it alright for use to live together while getting a divorce? We get along better as friends..we both agree. Please help us… Thank You.

Sounds like you need a romantic vacation together not a divorce!
Have you tried marriage counseling?
If divorce is really the only solution, give me a call at 212-370-1660 to arrange for a meeting to discuss the
Divorce process.

Leonard Weiner, Esq/Divorce Solutions

Question #66: Hello, I am going to try and keep this as short as possible. I have been married to my husband for approximately 5 months and I am considering a divorce. We have dated since I was 22 years old, I am now 29 he is 36. We have a 4 year old daughter together, and I have a son from a previous relationship who is 12. He has a daughter from a previous relationship who will be 12 in August, and has custody of. We have never lived together. We recently signed a lease on June 15 for one year. I moved most of my stuff in, but I do not “live” there yet. He will move his stuff in on sat the 21st of june. He is verbally abusive, and will not talk to me at times. In the past he has hit me and I even got a order of protection from him and one for my daughter. He had threathened to kick her across the lawn. He was mad he said. Anyway, we got back together a year after that happened. Long story short, I forgave him. He was seeming to do better. I broke it off kind of though because I told him that we either need to get married or move on so we got married and he said he was going to change. I talked to him about various things pertaining to marriage. Well he lied, because things have been bad, and I realize that it was a big mistake. Would it be easier to not officially move in, so that I will have a better chance at gaining custody of my daughter, as well as not complicating things more. I believe that he will get physically violent again because I will not let him have his way. He gets mad and does not know how to handle it except by being violent. I do not want him to touch me sexually either so I do not think it would be wise to move in because that will really upset him. I feel trapped, depressed I just do not know what to do. I would suggest counseling, but he does not see anything that he does as wrong, he says that I am the problem, and that I make him act that way. Please help. How much does a divorce generally cost. We have no accounts together, and have not acquired any bills together, we have no assets together. Just the 4 year old child. I do not work now, and when I do I only make about 5,000 dollars. He makes about 58 thousand. I am a student. Thank you

For the sake of your four-year-old child which you have together, you should make every attempt to seek family counseling to resolve the conflict. If after you have done so, or you feel that it is useless to make such an attempt, you should seek a competent divorce attorney- mediator to help you go through the divorce process. You’re are absolutely right in deciding not to move into the home and expose yourself and your children to physical abuse. Until you are totally satisfied that the abuse has stopped and will not return, you should avoid living together in the same quarters. I strongly suggest that you discuss these issues with your spouse immediately and in a public location, where you will have less chance of being subjected to physical abuse.

If you do get divorced, your husband, as the sole provider of the family, will be required to provide you with some form of spousal support and child support.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #56: I have a big dilemma…When I was eight months pregnant I was suspicious of my husband cheating. To make that loooong story short on January 20th of this year I found out that my suspiciousness was true. He had no choice but to confess that he was cheating. I will be married 8 years this December. We have two children together. A four year old and a 11 month old. I have been laid off from my job since October 2005 since the layoff I stood home for 3 months with our children and we both agreed that I finish up my graduate studies and attend graduate school full time. I finished up my masters in may 2006. It was difficult trying to manage grad school, two children and a whole load of other things while going though something so horrible like what my husband did to me. I wanted to leave but was so scared that I couldn’t take care of myself or the girls on my own. I was sooo confused. I could not believe that my so-called best friend had hurt me this deeply. At the time I was just getting unemployment. Now I am searching for a job to save money and divorce him. I don’t know what types of stipulations I should ask for…I do want full custody of my girls, I do want him to help maintain them too. We also have a home together that we purchased in June of 2004. I don’t want to leave my home. Can we divorce and I live here with my daughters. Do we have to sell so that we can get our even share of our investment? I just feel that he does not deserve anything being that he F-up (excuse my language.) I know who the correspondent is and yes she admitted she cheating with my husband. They both work at the same job. Can I divorce him with adultery? Is it too late? Will it be too late when I am ready to leave? Thank you.

For the sake of the children it’s important to try to see if you can reconstruct your trust and relationship with your spouse. Since you confronted him and he has admitted his guilt, has he expressed any remorse? Is he willing to commit to absolutely refrain from such activity in the future? These are questions you should be asking him and seeing if there is still room to reconstruct the trust and relationship that you had prior to this event. You should also try family counseling before you jump to divorce.

In the event, however, that you try family counseling or that he is absolutely refusing to go to family counseling and expresses no remorse , then you must consider divorce and if so, I strongly suggest that you mediate your divorce with an experienced attorney mediator.

If you are living in the New York City metropolitan area, please call May at 212-370-1660 to arrange for a meeting to discuss the matter at greater length.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions