Question #72: Several months ago, my wife asked me for a separation. This was quite a shock to me. I then became aware that my wife was involved in an affair with a married man. When I questioned her about this, she denied it vehemently and stated that she wanted a temporary separation with the hope of an eventual reconciliation. I then documented irrefutably with a licensed private investigator that my wife indeed was involved in an affair. I confronted her with the evidence and, long story short, after several months of marriage counseling, we are headed for a divorce. We have two young children who we have tentatively agreed to “share parent”. Our house will most likely have to be sold. I have suffered enormous emotional trauma as a direct result of the affair, and also enormous financial damage- private investigator bills, attorney fees, and all the expense that will now be involved in maintaining two homes. I am hoping for an amicable resolution to these issues, however, I have three questions: 1. Would “collaborative lawyers” be a good idea for me (my wife wants to go this way)? 2. As far as distribution of marital property, does this documented adultery entitle me to a larger percentage than would normally be the case (or at least reimbursement of such expenses as private investigators)? 3. How successful would a civil suit against the other man potentially be and has this been tried in the past?(I have definite evidence that he plotted with my wife to get me to leave my home before I knew of the affair but I don’t think it would be usable in a New York court). Thank you.

Unfortunately, not all expenses and not all emotional pain can be recompensed by a lawsuit. It is important that you and your spouse sit down and discuss amicably resolving the issues before you in separating and ultimately getting a divorce in a way that will cause the least amount of additional, emotional pain to you and your children, and allow you both to separate with dignity and get on with your lives.

I offer a unique alternative to the adversarial system in that although I am an attorney, I do not represent either side but rather I remain a neutral throughout the process and take you through all of the steps necessary for the separation and divorce, which includes child custody, child support, spousal support, the payment of any outstanding liabilities, and division of marital assets as well as any other issues that may have to be resolved in the marriage. Although the decisions about your children and your property will be made by both you and your spouse as opposed to having a judge imposed upon you and it will be done and the quiet of my office instead of the courtroom corridors. You’ll be paying for one attorney instead of two and not for the time in the courtroom waiting for your ten minutes before the judge.

I am not sure I understand what you mean by “collaborative attorneys” but if you mean each side will have his and her attorney meet together with you to try to resolve the issues, I believe the attorney’s involvement will only make the decision more combative and less likely to succeed in providing either of you with the best resolution of the issues.

I cannot overemphasize the benefits of mediating your divorce as opposed to litigating it, and I strongly suggest that if you live in the New York City metropolitan area you give me a call at 212-36370-1660 to arrange for all three of us to meet together to discuss mediation.

The grounds for the divorce (adultery) should have little or no effect on the distribution of the marital assets and your desire for a civil suit against the individual who had the affair with your wife, although it may provide you with some form of satisfaction, is not realistic and will be very costly and a waste of good money.

Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #67: Here’s my situation: I got married in 1990 in Panama. The marriage was registered in the consulate there. In 1994 we moved to NY with our son. In 1996 we separated amicably but not legally and because my wife was still establishing her immigration status we left it at that. We shared custody of our son and I provided child support. Two years ago I moved to Mexico. Now… my (ex) wishes to marry her boyfriend and my girlfriend would be so much happier if I were no longer to be married. How can we get a divorce as quickly and easily as possible. I’m not a legal resident here so the Mexican divorce is out. What can we do? I can’t go back and forth from Mx to NY for court and I can’t stay there for a couple months either. HELP!

If your wife is still a resident of New York State, we can file the divorce in New York.

We can mediate all of the issues involved including child custody and child support and the divorce over the phone

and you will not have to make any appearances

in New York State. if you are interested in discussing the matter further, please have your wife call me at

212-370-1660 to arrange an appointment.

Leonard M.Weiner, Esq \Divorce Solutions

Question #62: My wife and I have been married for 2 1/2 years. We were married in NY and she still resides there. We have decided to divorce. The split is very amicable and there are no children and no property to split. Although I did briefly speak with an attorney to better understand the options, both of us would like to get this over with quickly and with as little drama as possible. Is this the sort of thing that you do and approximately how long is the process and how much should I expect it to cost? Thank you.

This is precisely what I do! Although I am an attorney,

I do not represent either party but remain a neutral throughout the mediation process,

guiding the parties through all of the necessary issues that need to be discussed and

decided, offering alternative resolutions when an impasse seems to be at hand, and

drafting the legal documents to submit to the court.

The process should take about three months to complete and the cost will depend on how

much time it takes us to go through the outstanding issues, draft a Separation Agreement,

and draft the Divorce Papers.

If this makes sense to both of you, please call me at 212-370-1660 to discuss

the matter at greater length.

Leonard M. Weiner,Divorce Solutions

Question #58: Thank you, I recently learned about mediation, and how it may be an better alternative to a court battle. My concern is, my wife is still in Indiana. I am not sure how it can be done, from what I have read, mediation is done with both spouses present. I thank you for your time.

I have successfully conducted mediations with couples in different states through telephone conferencing . Let me know if you would like to discuss the matter further.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./ Divorce Solutions

Question #50: What is the advantage of having an attorney-mediator as opposed to a psychologist or psychotherapist mediator?

After the parties have decided on the resolutions of the outstanding issues needed to draw up the Separation Agreement, this agreement will have to be drafted by a lawyer to be submitted to the court. For that one needs an attorney who is admitted in the jurisdiction in which the parties reside. It is clearly an advantage in terms of time and money to have the mediator who has followed the discussions of the parties and was keenly aware of their needs and interests to be the same person who draws up the agreement, without the need of a non-lawyer mediator to explain the feelings of the parties to an outside attorney has not participated in the mediation sessions and who must acquaint himself with the facts, issues and decisions of the parties for the first time.

Question #49: Do you offer recommendations for the best way to address the needs of the children so that they may come out of the divorce with the least amount of psychological damage?

At DIVORCE SOLUTIONS the psychological and emotional needs of the children are paramount. During the course of the mediation at DIVORCE SOLUTIONS, the psychological and emotional needs of each of the children and the parties is of major concern as well as the other needs of the children (i.e. residential security, financial stability, etc.).

Question #48: What is the typical cost of a divorce through “DIVORCE SOLUTIONS”?

The cost of a divorce depends on the complexity of the issues involved and the ability of the parties to come to a resolution of the outstanding issues involved in reaching a settlement agreement. The charge is $300 per hour and a total fees can generally run between $5000 to $10,000 which these include the preparation and filing of the separation agreement and the preparation and filing of the divorce papers which can be done only by an attorney licensed in the state in which the divorce takes place.

Question #46: My husband and I are both US citizens. I am leaving in June on a work Visa for Australia. I may decide after thinking in Australia to divorce him. We have no assets or no bills to consider. Can I divorce him through the mail without being present in the US or do I have to come home to do it?

If you are located in the New York City metropolitan area, I can help you when you are ready. Please call me at 212-370-1660.you will not have to be present in New York but we will need the cooperation of your spouse to file the divorce papers.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions

Question #44: Why is Divorce Solutions a “better” way to get divorced?

Divorce Solutions can help you effectuate a swift and cost saving divorce, as well as a less emotionally draining and confrontational experience. If both you and your spouse are ready for a divorce, you owe it to yourselves and your children to contact Divorce Solutions at 212-370-1669 to resolve this matter in the most civilized and emotionally constructive manner available. Please refer to the additional information contained at the web site.