In order to properly answer your question, I would have to see the separation agreement that you signed when you originally got divorced and the judgment of divorce from the court.
With regard to the custody issue, your concern about splitting the brothers is serious, and you may be able to convince the court that they both should be transferred to you, if you so wish. Your acts would then be required to provide you with child-support equaling approximately 25 percent of her income. In the event each one retains one of the children the child-support would basically be canceled out, unless one child has special needs that require more funds. Remember, if you get the older child, your child that child will reach emancipation for years before the other child.
If you question the bona fides of the after school child expenses, I suggest you demand that she send you invoices for such services from the people providing the after school service, unless your separation agreement or court order provides otherwise.
If you are living in the New York City metropolitan area, please call May at 212-370-1660 to arrange for an appointment to discuss the matter at greater length.
Leonard M. Weiner, Esq./Divorce Solutions