Primarily servicing the greater New York City metropolitan area



LEONARD M.WEINER, ESQ, Ph.D.
DIVORCE SOLUTIONS
206 East 38th Street
New York, N.Y. 10016
(212) 370-1660

FINANCIAL ISSUES - MARITAL PROPERTY V. SEPARATE PROPERTY

Question #154:
Here is the situation. We live in the Syracuse NY area. Married for 12 yrs Since May of 2005 my wife and I have been in marriage counseling. Regardless of the history of the sessions things haven't changed much. There was some ominous presence hanging over us. One month ago it finally came out that she had an affair from July 2004-April 2005. I have never abused, embarrassed her etc. She lacks for nothing including attention. I am a very involved father. Always changed diapers, taken both boys with me everywhere. In fact I estimate that I spend more time alone with them than her. (I have begun a journal with times etc) I do not want to use them as pawns. However, I grossed130 K last year and she 60 K. I am afraid, should we divorce, I will have to pay 25% of gross ($2200) add that to her take home it is almost $5000/month. I would be left to live on about 2200 myself. Doesn't seem fair for me to pay for her to live high on the hog like this when I didn't do anything to deserve this. I am willing to share custody and pay for 63% of all child expenses.
I canít afford to live on $2200 minus rent, power, gas, food, daycare, saving for kids college etc. How can I do anything with them or for them. I am a victim of having a goodliving. I have offered 63% of all expenses etc. I even was willing to give up the home I rebuilt w / my sweat and bonus cks and the equity up to 100k after that it would be split. My kids will not lack but I don't want to pay for her to live on my dime.

My wife is a great mother but I don't want to live like a pauper. Can I go for primary custody? What type of chances does a father have who is very involved? 80% of the time I got them ready for school and picked them up. Other times when wife did they got off bus at sitters. I have a flexible schedule and travel usually one nite per week. I took a loan against my 401K for the down payment on the home and she has never touched hers. I did the remodeling and saved us tens of thousands of dollars. What can I do?

Answer:
You should mediate rather than litigate your divorce. It will save you, time, money and lots of aggravation.
At such mediation you can work out a fair division of the assets and decide the custody questions as well as the fair amount of child and spousal support you should pay.
You have a good chance of getting custody of the children based on the limited information you have provided and should not give up your fight for custody.
Try to find an experienced matrimonial, attorney-mediator in your area who is familiar with your local courts.

Good Luck!


Leonard Weiner, Esq./ Divorce Solutions
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